But after a while I caught on. I mean, I saw what they were hiring! I also swiped my dance card once after an audition, and on a scale of one to ten, they gave me for dance: ten, for looks: three! Why?

Dance: ten; looks: three
And I’m still on unemployment
Dancing for my own enjoyment
That ain’t it, kid! That ain’t it, kid!

“Dance: ten, looks: three”
Is like to die!
Left the theatre and
Called the doctor
For my appointment to buy

Tits and ass
Bought myself a fancy pair
Tightened up the derriere
Did the nose with it
All that goes with it

Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done
Suddenly I’m getting Nash’nal tours!
Tits and ass won’t get you jobs
Unless they’re yours!

Didn’t cost a fortune neither
Didn’t hurt my sex life either!

Flat and sassy
I would get the strays and losers
Beggars really can’t be choosers
That ain’t it, kid! That ain’t it, kid!

Fix the chassis
“How do you do!”
Life turned into an
Endless medley of
“Gee, it had to be you”

Tits and ass!
Where the cupboard once was bare
Now you knock and someone’s there
You have got 'em, hey
Top to bottom, hey!

It’s a gas!
Just a dash of silicone
Shake your new maracas and your fine!
Tits and ass can change your life
They sure changed mine!

Spoken: You’re all looking at my tits now, aren’t you?

Sheila: (spoken)
They aren’t that big

Val: (spoken)
I heard that, you bitch. I didn’t want 'em like yours. I wanted them in proportion

Sheila: (spoken)
Well, you got what you paid for

Connie: (spoken)
I wouldn’t mind having just one of yours

Val: (spoken)
Well, go out and buy 'em

Have it all done!
Honey, take my word
Grab a cab, c’mon
See the wizard on
Park and Seventy-Third

Tits and ass
Orchestra and balcony
What they want is what cha see. Keep the best of you
Do all the rest of you

Pits or class
I have never seen it fail
Debutante or chorus girl or wife

Tits and ass
Yes, tits and ass
Have changed my

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